how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
where am i from again
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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