Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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