You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
