I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
