fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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