Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
