fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
