My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
