what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Everything about him screamed your future.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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