Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
should my penis look like a turkey
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize