His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
