I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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