i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
