I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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