Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
