sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
