I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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