everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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