I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize