i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
