Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
