no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
