exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She bit a glass in half.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
