Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
