First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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