I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
