Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
