therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
worst night to have a conscience
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
