YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
