the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
