She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
