Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
