I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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