I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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