your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
