If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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