Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
