so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
