I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
