I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
