I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You are a genius and a whore.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
