You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
