I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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