The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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