How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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