This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
sex in a hospital.. check
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
