lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
