you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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