the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Someone came in the potted fern
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize