I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
