I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize