I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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