It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
