When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i dont even know how to be here
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
