My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
