She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize