the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wish my penis had an off switch
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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