tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
