omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
