Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
