Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just googled if crying burns calories
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
