i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
All the doctor said was why
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
