you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
