also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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