Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
